Wednesday, 9 November 2016

Hot off the...

In which the party machine writes the greatest inauguration poem of all time
(rough draft for January 2017)

Good morning Vietnam, I mean America.
How y’all doin’? Are you having a good time?
Have you been on all the rides yet?
My personal favourite is the one that makes
Your hair stick right out, so you look like a mad man,
A person no-one would ever trust to run a country.
Am I right?
Am I freaking right?

I mean it worked for Ronald McReagan.
Who’d vote for an actor, they said,
Who’d want a cowboy turning D.C. into Dodge?
And he did OK, didn’t he? A-OK.
The president’s brain is missing, my ass.
Whoever said the president needs a brain in the first place?
He needs a solid team of speechwriters,
A wife, a total disregard for the environment,
A few good suits and a baseball cap.
Can I get a ‘hell yeah!’?
The world needs ‘hell, yeah’s.

So let’s get this celebratory poem thing rolling along…
Superbowl, Super Tuesday, Supersize shrink…
Greatest country in the world!
Greatest country in the world!
Jeez, even I feel uncomfortable saying some of this crap.
Did I say ‘greatest country in the world’ yet?
Shall I say it again?
How about Normandy?
Does anyone remember Normandy?

Basically, the hard truth is
You losers sent a woman to do a man’s job.
But I won’t say that out loud.
This time.
Maybe on twitter.
Women are... other,
Keep ‘em looking in mirrors, that’s what I say,
Or maybe do some more yoga, honey.
The farmer wants a wife.

And now here I stand, Donny champion of the world.
I have smashed corruption
(Or something)
With my big, hard head,
And as I walk the halls
Of my new white palace
I can’t quite believe it.
Well, really, can you?

RF 2016

Photo taken this morning. The poppy was already there.


The Bug said...

I am in Shock (capital S). And your poem is spot on. AND I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to manage going to NC for Thanksgiving with family that I know voted for him. Proud evangelical women, no less! What. the. everloving. hell.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, part of the reason I am not shocked is that I too have... associates... who (let's be polite here) don't share any of my views (ever). Not that there is just one (or two) views to have (re politics as a whole) but there was only one (or two) choices on this particular day, in this particular matter.

I guess at thanksgiving you just have to keep the conversation bland (if you don't want a fight). The weather, sport (hah!), gardening... Good luck.

This is at least the third 'shock=disappointment' election result here in not so long (Scottish ref, Brexit ref, I think we had an election too though it's all a blur). You'd think the pollsters would be getting wise to it by now... unless it's part of the conspiracy!